I have eating problems. Yes, this is true! One of the reasons is in part by laziness, another by lack of convenience, another by pickiness (different foods at different times and moods and feelings — “do I feel like eating this right now?”), and another by time and money (if eating at Subway for example).
One problem I have with having food incorporated into my schedule is that I prefer eating at about the same time every single day; a mechanical routine.
I also do not have any room to carry things with me. I have my packpack, my bookbag, and my water bottle. I [i]could[/i] have the food in a lunchbox in my car’s trunk and eat between my two major schedule breaks. But then it is an extra hassle*, extra worry, and an extra thing to do in the morning (in fact I would have to wake up earlier). Two problems with that: laziness and pickiness (but more so the laziness).
Prepare food. What?! *dun dun dunn* Too much work and effort. X_x
*And also: what food? =( Pickiness may play a factor as well.
And then if it is a hot or warm day, the food will spoil! I would need a heavy-duty lunch box with walls of lead insulation or something to keep food at their refrigerated temperature all day.
To eat something also means that to my mind, at least 30 minutes of time literally just for eating must be available. This excludes round-trip travel time, getting in and out of my car, preparing the food and praying, and putting everything up. When you include that, an hour will finely do.
Eating requires a lot oftime; it is perceived as a low priority; it is perceived as a non-critical task.
I realize some of the effects not eating has on me, but despite all realization and understanding, it just isn’t enough to alter my perception and fix my problem.
I [u]know[/u] it is not good to not eat, yet this truth and understanding is not enough. Eating is too much a laborous if not costly (by money) task. The contrast is so great (in my perception of food) of cons over benefits that my mind computes it as “not worth effort for the meager benefits.”
When someone puts me in a situation where I am essentially forced to eat despite insisting not wanting to eat in the first place, or else face the possibility of coming out as disrespectful. When someone does this, it makes me feel ashamed and humble (in a way). It makes me regret the situation as I led and brought this upon myself.
In contradiction to what I have written previously, it can also be about convenience. This could mean that the same time the next day [i]could[/i] be the most inconvenient and unsuitable timing for eating. It could also mean that it would be more convenient to eat when I feel like it and when it feels like “it is time to eat” (a sort of instinctual all-body realization).
Both (1) consistent cron schedules and (2) fragmented, spontaneous, convenient times occur by switching with each other as time goes. Sometimes for a while (days or weeks) I will operate by one of these two modes, and then switch modes due to changing circumstances within my family, classes, job/career, and business (online most possibly).
Fast food is expensive if higher quality and [more] worthwhile, like Subway. There was a time, last semester, where I ate at the same Subway every day the same sandwich combination (because the same combination never tasted the same being that the sandwich is compiled by imperfect human hands). It was very expensive, and if I really had the money, worth it.
I found that eating between 1.5 to 2 feet per day was a golden amount of consumption. It would be two meals for a whole day. The day would be split into thirds as equally and balanced as possible as a result, and it also meant I set a dedicated block of time aside for just eating. While realistically it would only take about 7 to 15 minutes to eat my food, it would take about 20 to 30 minutes total (including round-trip travel, getting in and out of vehicle, and ordering food).
It was very convenient, very costly, very healthy (in comparison to other places I could have gone), and was not boring. So long as I had the money (primary bottleneck in this food plan), I could do it because my schedule has always permitted enough time.
That is pretty much it for food, but there is a sub-topic. Just one more thing: a scenario where I may be, for example, at a church and the next full hour everyone is eating together in the church cafeteria. Do I join and eat or not?
In this scenario, I tend to just try and avoid people. When offered a plate of food brought to me (instead of physically joining everyone else or entering the room where everyone is), I still do not want to eat or accept the offer. At least for two reasons: (1) it is embarassing and makes me feel ashamed, and (2) THEY KNOW ABOUT THIS. And so the best course of action to prevent both unpleasant experiences from occurring is to maintain ground and be consistent. They will not necessarily be able to “know about this” in terms of my food problems because for all they could know I probably have legitimate reasons and genuine disinterest. In part, this also has to do with shyness, discomfort, and distrust.
Admittingly, I do not really take great care of myself and probably am incapable of doing so without any help from someone. It does not feel right or good when someone does try and help or make up for my lack of proper function. it makes me feel as though it is my fault (which it is) and that I have brought someone down to perform such a laborous duty as though a servant, slave, or machine, that they should not even have to do. Somehow it makes me feel bad because it makes me feel as though they are being a personal servant or something for a basic function most people do not have a problem with.
