I feel very terrible, overwhelmed and stressed. I always overreact. Just recently I was wondering about my system standing on the topics of socializing and friendship. I have realized that only in a business perspective can I “normally” speak with people, but when it is not in a business perspective my emotions can blast in any emotional direction with breatheless and thoughtless ease. It is very stressful because I become overburdened by my emotions, and over the years I have found that my emotional center is simply too easy to change and sensitive. I have tried repeatedly to solve this problem but am unable without the placement of “extreme” restrictions (such as keeping every relationship, including neutrals and unknowns, to a business-only level).
I was asked to put together a slideshow for someone (with commentry recordings) and have accomplished the project. While I had been working on the project, I had been assigned another project that features from 6 to 8 DVDs that need to have certain scenes taken out and put together into one video. The project’s deadline was due today, and this came as an embarrassment to me when I had been expected to present it to our little Hungarian church meeting this evening. I had not forgotten about this project, but when I was asked if I have the finished video, I had thought my “employer” was referring to the slideshow I had fully accomplished the day before. Only until he came back with 30 recordable DVDs and paper cases and having subtly refreshed my mind did I realize he was referring to “the second project” (relative to my mind).
The privately quiet and personal rush of emotions overwhelmed me. I began to wonder why I even did this in the first place and “this is why I shouldn’t ever accept a job like this again,” but then I realize the truth about how that statement is totally unavoidable because I experience it practically anywhere I go for anything I do. Perhaps my expectation standards are too high, but I do not think I can help this (as it is naturally a part of me). I overreact for everything and cannot help it despite how much I despise such undesired function of my system. In my mind I am thinking “this is why I prefer to keep everything at a business-only level and perspective; there’s just too much to sacrifice and go through (as additional stress and frustration) to make it worth my time and experience.” I have other things to worry about — enough as is with trying to figure out the workings of college courses and career related topics. I never expected this to be easy — I had already expected this and the stress that would come with it. “That is why I make room for it.” I want to live healthy (though I do not consider socializing and friendships to be a necessity), and if I can avoid high blood pressures and my emotions going past the point of consciousness, then so be it.
Besides, to ice off the cake, everyone have places to go, place to be, things to do, just like I.
The problem I was having with “project number two” that is causing its delay to accomplishment is that I am having a problem in MeGUI and with AViSynth scripting to trim out the parts of a video I want to keep. I have looked up documentation on the proper usage of the Trim() function and confident that I am defining its inner variables correctly. But when I have Trim() in my AVS script and attempt to execute it through MeGUI, I get stupid errors about how it is unable to open the script file and an unidentified “DIB” format (neither of which make any sense in the sense of how-so). If I can figure out how to get MeGUI to accept the appearance of Trim() and process it correctly, I should be able to get this project (all 6 to 8 DVDs) done within a day. The difficulty isn’t cutting out scenes and putting them together into one video (or creating AVS scripts), but rather puzzling problems such as the one I am having that are totally unexpected, and the lack of on-demand support for a great open source system. I found the forums for Avisynth (which happened to be at a website with a totally irrelevant domain name), but after registering I found out that I have to wait 5 days before being allowed to post or reply to anything. Five days is too long for me!
I want to say I “know” I used the Trim() function correctly, because I had looked up several example scripts that use Trim() and I have copied their functional structure with no success at all. I am wanting to think that maybe the problem is MeGUI’s fault. MeGUI can interpret my scripts the way they are supposed to be when it comes to previewing a video through MeGUI, but not when I try to process it through for encoding. So maybe it is the encoder’s fault instead of MeGUI..
Tomorrow morning I have a job interview to go two (the second one I have been able to attain within the last two to three months). I hope I get the job, but I also hope I can accomplish what is accomplished of me. There’s a right and wrong way to do things, and unfortunately I do not know the procedures, limits and rules for many things. If I don’t do it right, then my system is at high risk to an emotional and stress overload. At a workplace for example, I am afraid that if I do not perform my job exactly as instructed, then I will receive the harshest punishment possible (in most cases, getting fired). In middle school and high school, I sought the acceptance of my teachers and a feeling of security from their presence. I learned to do so 5th Grade, which might really be just the development of a bad habit (but just as equally for the good, possibly). I am also very easy to make uncomfortable; doing so will quickly place me under the suspicion that I did something wrong. I am also, in the following way, much like my mother: when I learn something, that something is molded into my system. If asked to recite that something, I am unable, despite knowing what it is. That something became a part of my subconsciousness, and unless I practice that something for several years, it will always stay in my subconsciousness.
This summer sucks, to be honest. I have been looking for jobs but have been unable to find any. Technically, so to speak, I am the first generation of my family to be born and grow up in America. Almost regardless of what my parents experienced when they migrated to the United States with absolutely no knowledge or experience in speaking English, I am practically alone and have to learn a lot the hard way. Maybe I’m not looking for a job correctly or something — I don’t know! 
This also becomes a frustration (as are a lot of basic functions and topics that are common sense to practically every person around the world, with the exception of some unfortunate populations of people in undeveloped nations).
About two or three years ago I got a job at a Westgate Resorts telemarketing center in Springfield near Sam’s Club. I liked the business experience and knowledge, but I ended up hating the job for what it was. Sales is not my things, especially over the phone. In telemarketting, you can either “do it” or you can’t. If you do not make sales, they’ll fire you eventually (you are a waste of money to the company). Plus, if you are not making any sales, you start to become desperate and things become morally and ethically dirty (which I hate the most about my experience in telemarketting). But at least I learned about the job, gained some business experience and knowledge, and have a little more respect for telemarketers and what they have to go through. If you do not like to receive telemarketing calls (except the ones you sign up for and request), I would strongly recommend signing your phone number(s) up for free at the Do Not Call government site at donotcall.gov. I find that this service does work.
